Category: chicago

Our God Is a Awesomely Petty and Provincial God

The church group trying to purchase the Portage Theater and consecrate it to God vis a vis demolishing its marquee and replacing its Art Deco interior with God knows what kind of cheesy rehabbing, is supposedly circulating petitions to garner support from neighbors who might not know any better. I’d love to hear corroboration on this; I’d especially love to receive a scan of the petition. Alderman John Arena and others have suggested other locations that won’t screw up a charming old building and displace local businesses (not to mention derail ongoing efforts to revitalize the Six Corners area), but apparently that’s not good enough for the Chicago Tabernacle folks, who seem determined to alienate their potential neighbors.

As a side note, the church leader’s short-sightedness about what the people want is alarming. Why worry about losing a rare venue for independent, silent, and other film? They’re bringing an Easter pageant!

Get Off My Lawn

Ah! ‘Tis the first day of spring, and already the locals (though usually it’s visitors to the neighborhood) are engaging in the exciting sport of car-sitting. For you see, when the weather gets nice, it’s time to go outside, drive somewhere, and then sit in the goddamn car with your six closest friends while you wait for your cousins to get their hair cut.

Be sure to park your car in front of someone’s house, so the owner can walk by the window over the course of several hours and wonder when the fuck you’re going to leave. Because he’s tired of picking up your trash and wondering if you’re going to harass his kids. The bottles of piss have yet to start sprouting on the lawn though, so well done!

We Are Awake

We are awake because daughter needed a 11 p.m. feeding and son needed 12:30 a.m. reassuring because his stuffy nose is making it hard to sleep. Also, he required a medicinal snack of club crackers. I hope the crackers do the trick, because this house has been under a fucking plague for what seems like weeks.

Generally, I’m still trying to finish the novel, which involves prolonged periods of talking myself into it even though I know it will all come to naught, because it is growing increasingly diseased and boring simultaneously.

Oh, but at least there’s the satisfaction of a job well done.

And my reward in Heaven.

The Heaven where the angels are stupid enough to reward talentless, over-the-hill hacks with hearts full of hate.

But what I’m REALLY looking forward to is the common refrain of “I don’t get it.”

Essentially, chief, it’s a heartwarming tale of revenge.

No wait, it’s a horror story without any common horror elements.

No wait, it’s garbage.

More pleasantly, I did get to see a few new buildings with strange tales today. Watch Steppes of Chicago for the subsequent post.

I am as bitter as bitter coffee filled with Angostura Bitters.