Month: March 2011

No Rumble in the Bronx

I’ve passed by the “historic Bronx building” many times on my way through Skokie, and I’ve always meant to stop and take a few shots. Looks like a 20s era building. Not sure what makes it historic. I haven’t found much more info about it online, save from the company that was apparently hired to rehab it—and they seem to be incurious creatures. Snazzy entryways! Anyway, enjoy:

Remember: All Other Humans Are Your Foils and Footstools

Ranking on cast-iron hipsters is the primary hobby of part-time hipsters in denial—particularly if they’re mediocre journalists. I think it stems from a deep-rooted, despicable human instinct to piss on an anonymous mass of humans to feel better about oneself. Sadly, for the complainers, it’s no longer acceptable to focus this rage on certain races or religions.

Think I’m overreacting? How about this? When I hear you bad-mouthing folks because they’re expressing themselves or just acting goofy, I know that when I leave the room you’re saying the same shit about me. Oh my yes, you are.

In my old age (43) I wish I could get back all the time I wasted ridiculing folks who weren’t harming anyone. Please do verbally stomp on the world’s boobs, friends, but learn to differentiate them from folks who are just having fun. You don’t HAVE to like what they do, but don’t think you’re somehow cleverer because you’re not doing much more than bashing them.

It’s like I always say: Try making something out of nothing. Not so easy, is it?

The Goddamned Batmorality and Batemperance Society

This morning I was helping Nate get dressed, and I suited him up in one of his two or three Batman shirts. It looks like a Dick Giordano Batman, courageously going forth to fight the bad guys with Gotham City as a backdrop. I noted that the shirt had a caption:

Me: (Pointing at each word.) Nate, that says “THE CAPED CRUSADER SAVES GOTHAM CITY!”

Nate: Caped crusader!

Me: Yeah, that’s one of Batman’s nicknames.

Nate: Batman! (Distracted by something.)

Me (To my wife Michael): But in the end, the Caped Crusader realized that Gotham first had to save (dramatic pause) itself.

Mike: Ha ha!

Nate: (Wanders off.)

Me: “Caped crusader.” It sounds like he was mounting an anti-porn campaign.

Mike: Heh heh!

Me: (Christian Bale Dark Knight voice) Gotham has too many sex shops and porno theaters! We need to clean up this city once and for all!

Mike: Ho ho!

Me: (CBDKV) Will no one think of the children!?!

Mike: Har har!

Me: (CBDKV) ROBIN WALKS BY THAT STORE EVERY DAY ON HIS WAY TO SCHOOL!!!

Mike: Ha ha!

At this point, Nate began impersonating me impersonating Christian Bale impersonating Batman. Which was completely hilarious.

End scene.