Thing 1 and Thing 2: Lackeys of the cat; sexless creatures, blue of hair, simian of visage; bringers of chaos, attention whores
Thing 3: Mercifully deceased. Buried in desert by man who still refuses to say what he saw that night.
Thing 4: Twice as large as the others, but lacking in confidence
Thing 5: Repulsive to the touch; filled with unquenchable loneliness
Thing 6: Possesses only arms, no legs; crawls about with simpering eyes, wet with illicit desire
Thing 7: Apathetic and listless, cares for nothing, single horn under left arm
Thing 8: Blue hair, red boiler suit, no features save for screaming toothless maw in center of head
Thing 9: Twittery, nervous, laughing thing with large red eye rimmed with gook. Too “handsy.”
Thing 10: Highly sexualized with inescapable and multitudinous phalanges and sucker grips
Thing 11: Bones on the outside; eats fish whole
Thing 12: While Thing 1 and 2 foment discord, Thing 12 wreaks only vengeance and rue. Driven mad by the sight of blood.
Thing 13: Creature of supernumerary nipples, multiple vestigial glandes
Thing 14: Flesh eternally imploding and turning upon itself, like a hot dog in a microwave. Likes kids.
Thing 15: Missing, presumed dead, possibly imprisoned within cliff face in New Hampshire. Best not to speak of it.
Thing 16: Utter bastard. Sets fires, plants evidence. Cat has severed all ties with Thing 16. Mentions of his name will only bring angry glare.
Thing 17: Cat’s “special friend,” shares apartment, cooks and cleans, forced to remain out of sight.
Thing 18: Insouciant, intemperate, reviled by God.
Thing 19: Spends its days methodically beating its head and others’ against against basement wall.
Thing 20: Can’t stand for long. Flops about on useless rubbery limbs.
Thing 21: “He Who Must Not Be Seen”
Thing 22: Kindly but painfully produces toys and candy from chest hole.
Thing 23: Poet, soldier, philanthropist. Once followed cat blindly until he asked himself, “What does it all mean?”
Thing 24: Weak, worthless, sniveling thing, fit only for contempt.
Thing 25: Intoxicated most of the time. Sees “things.”
Thing 26: Fired. Discovered by Cat fucking rare roast beast.
Thing 27: Delicious. Whipped cream-like skin easily scooped up with toffee-like fingernails.
Thing 28: Dast not show his face hereabouts until his mother is ready to forgive him.
