Me: So, I have an idea for a present for you, but I want to bounce it off you first.
My Wife: I don’t want a turtle.
Me: (Blank sarcastic expression)
My Wife: Ha ha ha!
Me: Actually, it’s a TORTOISE, smart-ass.
My Wife: Oh, well, that’s okay then.
Me: Actually, it’s a device called THE SEX TORTOISE.
My Wife: Oh really?
Me: It’s round and has five probes for maximum pleasure.
My Wife: Ha ha ha!
Me: We might have to have some friends over.
My Wife: Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, that’s just great.
Me: We must all assume “scissor” position perpendicular to the SEX TORTOISE.
My Wife: Har har har!
Me: It operates like this. (I assume a SEX TORTOISE position and begin vibrating while emitting a mechanical NRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH! sound.)
My Wife: Ha ho hoo hoo!
Me: Sometimes I wonder if you’re really laughing at the shit I say or if you just feel sorry for me.
My Wife: It’s a little of both, actually.
