Teenage Film Synopses #2

So, like, this rich guy really liked his sleigh, and he called it Rosebud, but then he died. And then the movie is about him as a kid who, like, gets adopted by another rich guy, and he grows up and starts a newspaper with his friends. But he’s like a really good guy at first, but he and his wife don’t like each other anymore and they get divorced. But he still gets richer and runs for something, like mayor, I think. Then he gets caught totally banging this hot blonde chick, and he tries to cover up the fact that he’s banging her by making her sing shit. Then he buys a lot of statues, but she’s all like whining, “You never get me any presents that I want, man.” So, she leaves him and he keeps buying crap until he dies after smashing this snow globe everywhere. And then for some reason someone burns his fucking Rosebud sled.

Teenage Film Synopses #1

Inspired by a comment from Ms. Kathleen Hein.

There was like this guy, right? And like his family? And they went to this hotel and it snowed a lot. And then a bunch of ghosts and team mascots were there and he went all crazy and shit and like, totally killed this bald black guy with an axe, right?… And these two girls were like standing there and going, “Come play with us, play with us forever.” And the dad totally smashed through the bathroom door and he’s all like, “Here I am! It’s Johnny!”  Then the kid and his mom were like, escaping, and the dad froze to death. I think the dad was that guy in that movie about the insane asylum we totally saw that one time in literature class. Right? Or maybe it was Alec Baldwin, you know, from 30Rock?